Phoebe Buffay doesn’t have the kind of wild love stories that Rachel and Monica do in Friends. There’s no real decade long will-they-won’t-they, there’s no secret relationship that lasts for months… in many ways, Phoebe actually makes some of the best relationship decisions in the series, and her final big decision is between Mike and David.
David was one of Phoebe’s first love interests, the cute scientist who won her heart… and then broke it, when he left her to do research in Minsk. Mike was someone who appeared later, and who had his ups and downs with Phoebe, but discovered that he was the one for her in the end. She and Mike may have had their Central Perk wedding, but who was actually the better choice?
David: They Have A Better Meet-Cute
This one is actually a tough call, but the way that Phoebe met David is much sweeter than how she met Mike. She and David met when he interrupted her playing at Central Perk because he was whispering with his friend about how gorgeous she was… while Mike was literally a random guy that Joey picked up at the coffee shop because he forgot that he was meant to be setting Phoebe up on a date. The stars may have aligned for that one, but we are still giving Mike a little bit of a side-eye for agreeing to date a total stranger because a different total stranger shouted his name in a coffee shop.
Mike: They’ve Both Been Married Before
The first of many things that Phoebe and Mike have in common - it’s the second marriage for both of them! Admittedly, Mike first married for love, and then had a bit of an ugly divorce, whereas Phoebe married to give a friend a green card… but it’s still something that they have that Phoebe and Mike don’t.
They both understand divorce, they’ve both dealt with the legalities of marriage, and they both know what they are getting into, on an equal footing.
David: Balance Each Other Out
While Phoebe and Mike have an incredible amount in common, Phoebe and David are more of an ‘opposites attract’ situation. She is a total hippy creative, and he is a pure scientist - but this actually works out well for them. The two balance each other out, and in a longer-term relationship, that would be a huge advantage. Of course, it may also be their downfall (just look at how Phoebe talks about ‘science’ with Ross), but it could work perfectly.
Mike: More In Common
While Phoebe and David balance each other out, Phoebe and Mike complement each other, and have so much in common. Both are musicians (although Mike is arguably much better than Phoebe), both are quirky, and both live unusual lives (although Mike started out with a slightly more normal one). In the long term, this has the potential for far less conflict, and Mike is far more likely to see the world the same way that Phoebe does.
David: Always Wanted Marriage
Although Phoebe has always had a bit of an interesting outlook on life, she also wanted to have a more ’normal’ happy ending. In her own words “I want to be a soccer mom!”. One of the biggest things for her - and the reason she and Mike broke up - was that he didn’t want to get married again, and she did. With David, however, there was never a question. He was always ready to marry her, without having to break up first to figure that out.
Mike: Handles Her Weirdness
David, although enamored with Phoebe, doesn’t love her quirks the way Mike does, and he certainly doesn’t match her. Mike, on the other hand, loves all her weirdness (as he says in their vows), and knows exactly how to respond to it. He knows how to handle her completely bonkers name change, he has no problems playing air-piano in the middle of the coffee shop, he deals with her adopting a family of baby rats with casual aplomb. All in all, David would have become freaked out by Phoebe’s quirks in time, but Mike loves her for them, not in spite of them.
David: Better Provider
This may seem like an old-fashioned issue, and Phoebe actually never seems short of money (like the rest of the Friends cast, who afford stunning Manhattan apartments despite job losses and low wages), but it may have actually made David a better partner in the long run.
David has a solid career that pays well, while Phoebe is a little bit all over the place… and the great thing about that is that being with a partner who can support her gives her the freedom to be as creative as she likes. Of course, Mike’s parents are rich, and he used to be a lawyer, so he’s probably not doing too badly himself, but David’s life comes with a bit more stability.
Mike: Couldn’t Stay Away From Her
Getting to the big stuff - at the end of the day, David lost out because he chose his career over her, and then stayed away for years. There’s nothing wrong with that (and who is to say if they would have worked out had David picked Phoebe), but Mike struggled to stay away from Phoebe for a matter of weeks. He followed her to Barbados, whereas David disappeared out of her life. There’s something to be said here about simple commitment.
David: Friends and Family
We never got to meet David’s parents, but it’s likely that they wouldn’t have been as horribly rude to Phoebe as Mike’s parents were. It’s also possible that David would have been a better fit with the friend group - they knew each other longer, there’s no weird initial introduction with Joey, and David and Ross would have probably been great friends and bonded over their scientific careers. Mike, on the other hand, is appreciated by the group, but never totally seems to connect with them - and he and Ross struggle to hang out for even one night.
Mike: Chose Her Over His Parents
Say what you will about Mike’s snobby parents, the fact that Mike stood up to them to defend Phoebe was one of the best moments of their relationship. He truly doesn’t care if he fits in with this friend group, or if his parents like her. At the end of the day, Mike is with Phoebe for Phoebe, and no one else. Unlike David, who worried and stressed, and couldn’t handle his friend disliking her, Mike is just happy to be with the woman he loves, and putting her first counts for a whole lot.
